Almost done with a post on Vibecamp(s), out to some reviewers this week!
Resolving to get something out weekly, even if they are short musings. This one is about things I’m afraid of.
People have called me things like brave, fearless; spiritually, maybe that’s true. Objectively— there are a lot of things I’m terrified of.
Bla bla naming things gives you power over them bla bla, so:
I’m afraid that the incredible things many have said they see in me were never there, or if they were, have withered and died from neglect.
I’m afraid socializing with the idle rich has given me an appetite for things that will never be mine.
I’m afraid my identity obscured resounding mediocrity.
I’m afraid that the internet is right in their character judgements, that all those people who have never met me have correct insights into my soul.
I’m afraid all of these words are just some final L’esprit de Escalier.
The thing that terrifies me the most is stepping through that door to what’s next, because these times when I’ve felt true control and agency might become a distant memory.
<3 <3 <3